'Your SIL is an entitled parent': Party host gets yelled at by her SIL over food choices

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Remy Millisky • Writer and Editor
Feb 24, 2023 5:00 PM EST

Planning and hosting a kid's birthday party is stressful enough, but this woman's entitled sister-in-law made it so much worse. This OP shared her story with the internet, since she was seeking helpful opinions on whether or not she was wrong in this situation. 

As the OP, u/haley××2 wrote, she was planning a birthday party for her kiddo, age 8, and inviting a bunch of people over. The OP invited her sister in law and niece, age 6, to the party as well. Since her niece has several allergies, plus can't have gluten or dairy, she catered a meal specially for her. But that didn't stop the little girl from throwing a tantrum when she couldn't have the food that everyone else was eating at the party, and that's when the real drama began. 

Her SIL was furious that the OP didn't make literally every food to fit with her kid's dietary needs. But, of course, "My daughter doesn't have allergies. This party was for her," the OP wrote. 

Next, this teen wanted people to weigh in on whether or not he was a mansplainer… and people in the comments agreed that he wasn't!

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  • 01
    Font - r/AmItheA hole Posted by u/haleyxx2 18 hours ago AITA for not accommodating my niece? My daughter, Lexi, had her 8th birthday party recently. We invited some of her friends, and some family, including my brother, sister in law, and niece, Claire (6f). Claire has several allergies, gluten and dairy being the main ones.
    via r/AmItheA**hole
  • 02
    Font - For the party, I had pizza, chicken tenders, and sandwiches for the food. Chips, fruits and veggies for the side. Vanilla cake for dessert. For Claire, I made gluten free and vegan Mac and cheese, bought gluten free chicken tenders from the store, and she could have the fruits and veggies and chips. I got her a vegan and gluten free chocolate cupcake for dessert so she didn't feel left out. At the party, Claire was upset that she couldn't have pizza and Chick-fil-A like the rest of the ki
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  • 03
    Font - I tried my best to include her by getting special food and dessert for her, but my sister in law yelled at me afterwards for not just offering allergy free food and cake for the whole party so Claire didn't feel as excluded. I get why Claire was upset, she's 6, she's still a kid. But I am furious at my sister in law for yelling at me and calling me cold and selfish. My daughter doesn't have allergies. This party was for her. Most 8 year olds don't want to eat dairy free and gluten free if
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  • 04
    Font - stoopidsheeple. 18 hr. ago As hole Enthusiast [8] You did accommodate your niece. Your SIL is an entitled parent. The entire world doesn't have to eat what her child eats. That's not how life works. ΝΤΑ
    via r/AmItheA**hole
  • 05
    Font - piercingeye 6 hr. ago As soon as I got to the part where she said she made and bought foods specifically for Claire, I said, "WTH. She did accommodate her niece!" I don't have food allergies, but I am on the spectrum. I am fully aware that the world will never, ever become autistic friendly, simply because it can't. SIL is doing Claire a terrible disservice by misleading her into believing that the world will accommodate her at every turn. NTA.
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  • 06
    Font - SnapesGrayUnderpants 10 hr. ago NTA. The SIL should have had a conversation with OP about her rediculous expectations before the day of the party instead of blowing up after the fact. She should also have explained to Claire what to expect at the party in order to avoid a meltdown.
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  • 07
    Font - AmIarealbunny. 7 hr. ago. edited 3 hr. ago Partas ipant [2]] Absolutely, the amount of effort op went to was fabulous. Some folks would have given kiddo an apple for dessert. Can I mention that allergy free stuff is more expensive and again not fair to all the other kids, including birthday kid? I'm amazed that SIL thinks that someone else's whole birthday party should cater to her child. The chutzpah on that lady has been sitting amazed.
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  • 08
    Font - HulaHulaHula1983 3 hr. ago My three kids have all had food allergies and we always bring food for them for situations like birthday parties. I let the parents know ahead of time and they usually offer to try to accommodate them but I assure them to please focus on their birthday kiddo and my kiddo will just be thrilled to be there :)
    via r/AmItheA**hole
  • 09
    Font - GottaLoveHim. 2 hr. ago Exactly! You did a GREAT job of accommodating your niece. Dairy free and Gluten free foods can be very expensive. It would cost a LOT to try to feed everyone the gfcf versions of all those foods. PLUS, if the child is not used to eating the gfcf version, it is going to taste funny to them and possibly cause some painful tummy gas. You did it the right way. The parent needs to do a better job with the child and her expectations or she is going to be sneaking unsafe
    via r/AmItheA**hole
  • 10
    Font - Mysterious_Clue_3500 18 hr. ago Parta ipant [1] NTA. As somebody with food allergies I can tell you that not everybody will do as much as you did. You went out of your way to make sure that she would have things she could eat. At some point in her life your niece is going to have to deal with the fact that she can't eat the things that other people eat. The sooner that that's normalized for her the better off she'll be. Also you should change your title because you absolutely did accommod
    via r/AmItheA**hole
  • 11
    Font - tatersprout 17 hr. ago Cotain [165] I was thinking that this child is going to grow up expecting people to cater to her because of the example mom is setting. I feel sorry for her.
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  • 12
    Font - Coffee helps ma person Personing ishore without caffein ms_sinn 14 hr. ago Partas ipant [1] This! Definitely NTA. I go hungry at a lot of events where people don't accommodate and also don't want me to bring my own food. (My former in laws did this to me.) Having those options for her was a great accommodation. Also? Dairy and gluten free products are expensive! I don't make everything gluten free when I host a party. I just make myself something because it's less expensive to feed a crow
    via r/AmItheA**hole
  • 13
    Font - Worldly-Abroad2858 8 hr. ago Yeah NTA. I used to belong to Bunko group but quit when at least half the woman were either on some super restrictive diet or decided they wouldn't eat gluten, dairy, carbs, sugar etc but when you host you're expected to provide dinner for the group. It became way too exhausting with some of them complaining at the lack of options and spread. Idk what they were expecting when all that's left on the list is veggies with a dairy free dip and fruit.
    via r/AmItheA**hole
  • 14
    Font - tubesweaterguru. Colo-rectal Surgeon [35] 17 hr. ago Most 8 year olds don't want to eat dairy free and gluten free if they don't have to. Most PEOPLE don't want to. It was your daughter's party, and it should be about what she wants. You went above and beyond, in my opinion, for your niece. Maybe next time just don't invite her. NTA.
    via r/AmItheA**hole
  • 15
    Font - TitaniaT-Rex 17 hr. ago Partas pant [2] I don't even want to eat gluten free and I have been gf for ten years. It sucks.
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  • 16
    Font - Butterfly Wings71 14 hr. ago Also, wouldn't it be more expensive? Thankfully, I do not have a gluten allergy but one of my co-workers has 3 out of 4 kids that need gluten free and she said her grocery bill skyrocketed.
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  • 17
    Font - tatersprout 17 hr. ago Crtain [165] ΝΤΑ Wow you did a lot of extra for one child. Claire was not the birthday girl. She was a guest. She was provided plenty of food. Your sister in law is in for a rude awakening when she realizes that the world isn't going to accommodate her child's food intolerances. She will be invited to other parties and these same issues are going to happen except nobody is going to make everything gluten and dairy free. I feel sorry for the child because she is goin
    via r/AmItheA**hole
  • 18
    Font - MrJeanPoutine 18 hr. ago Colo-rectal Surgeon [44] I was half expecting to read based off the title that you simply refused to make any accommodations, when in reality, you went above and beyond what most would've done. You're NTA (not calling Claire an AH because she's 6 but your SIL is a major AH).
    via r/AmItheA**hole
  • 19
    Font - M canvasshoes2 - 18 hr. ago edited 13 hr. ago AS hole Aficionado [18] • NTA. Good grief the amount of adults out there that will behave like that is just astonishing. You did your absolute best to accommodate her. If her mom was that worried about her supposedly being excluded, then she, as the expert in what her daughter can eat or not eat, should have made arrangements to have more food options. Claire is only 6, but she's old enough that, if mom were doing her job properly, she'd have
    via r/AmItheA**hole
  • 20
    Font - orchardofbees 11 hr. ago I'm in a group for people with a specific medical food restriction, and what OP did is what I see a lot of parents of kids with my diagnosis talking about as best practice, or what they wish their family would do. Most people I see post who have kids with these restrictions, pack their kids their own separate meal for any event outside of the home, to make sure the child is safe. OP was very welcoming
    via r/AmItheA**hole
  • 21
    Font - Lower_Song3694 - 18 hr. ago NTA! You were so caring to do everything you did. Your SIL is totally out of line.
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  • 22
    Font - NightFox1988 17 hr. ago NTA. The way Claire reacted is understandable - 6 year old. Now, your SIL - she's being more of a child than her child (if this makes sense here). You went above and beyond to make sure your niece was accommodated and that is fantastic. And you are right about the world doesn't revolve around Claire's allergies. Your SIL needs to grow up, quit acting entitled, and understand this.
    via r/AmItheA**hole
  • 23
    Font - dynasriot 18 hr. ago Parta ipant [3] NTA, it's the parent's duty to provide food their child can eat if they are on special diets or have allergies. My stupid aunt and uncle were never bringing food for their kids who had allergies so we had to suffer through terrible food because their laziness. Tell your sister in law to bring food for her kid or not come at all.
    via r/AmItheA**hole
  • 24
    Font - AngelIslington. 17 hr. ago Certified Proctologist [22] ΝΤΑ You were way more accommodating than so many on this sub, and all you got n return was a child throwing a tantrum and her mum enabling her behaviour, and I get that she was upset. biut instead of using this as a lesson, in "i know you were disappointed, but you are looking at this the wrong way, but remember auntie, made all this special food just for you. to make you feel included," instead, your SIL expects the entire world to k
    via r/AmItheA**hole

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relatives birthday party niece children aita nta allergies kids gluten free
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